Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
