he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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