I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
