Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
