Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
