all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
