I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
