Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize