Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
