I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
