He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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