theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
