I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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