this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
