I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
