I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
