why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
