the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize