I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
