Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
