honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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