Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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