video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
