Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she peed on how many people?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
