My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
