I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
