Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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