i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
