I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
