I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
