i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
