the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize