I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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