Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
