Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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