i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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