Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
