is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize