You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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