I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
