The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
