just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
