i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
