ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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