I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize