We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
