the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize