ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
