Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
