Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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