She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
