im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
