I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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