My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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