from now on my penis is your penis
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
