DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
