I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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