I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
