I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
