Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
