Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
