This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize