I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
