Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
