So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
