You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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